To understand what head hopping is, you need to understand point of view. Point of view is easy to get in theory. When you “see” the story from a character’s viewpoint, hear his or her observations, emotions, thoughts, that is x’s point of view. The more a reader can identify with a character’s point of view, the more the reader invests in the story and that character. And yes, it is possible to tell a story using several characters’ point of view or even that of an omniscient narrator (although the omniscient narrator isn’t done as much nowadays – it’s hard to get up close and personal with characters if you are distanced by the narration.)
Head hopping is jumping from character to character’s head (or point of view) without warning the reader or letting them make a natural connection, which interferes with a reader’s identification with the character. Often it’s unintentional – how can one character tell the thoughts of the person he or she is speaking with? Unfortunately we see this a lot in submissions from beginning authors.
Gradual, deliberate shifts in point of view can be used successfully to build up a romantic, dramatic, or comedic effect – but there has to be a way for the reader to know the shift has occurred. Changing POV every other sentence or paragraph is not a gradual shift.
Really boring example:
Melissa’s breath caught. “Sometimes I think you don’t care about me at all.” And she loved him so much!
“I do love you, darling,” Peter said to Melissa. Stupid idiot! Why does she keep demanding something we both know is a lie?
“I suppose I’m being a jealous fool.” She caught herself before she began to cry. Really, she was making such a fuss over nothing. Peter had always been totally honest with her. She’d drive him away if she didn’t stop acting this way. Of course when he wasn’t with her and he was talking with all his friends, he sometimes sounded uncaring, but she just didn’t understand how men spoke with their friends. It didn’t mean anything.
Problem? Unless she's psychic, Melissa can only know what she's thinking, not what Peter is thinking. The writer has swapped from Melissa's POV to Peter's POV and then back to Melissa's POV.
Melissa’s breath caught. “Sometimes I think you don’t care about me at all.” And she loved him so much! (Melissa's POV)
“I do love you, darling,” Peter said to Melissa. Stupid idiot! Why does she keep demanding something we both know is a lie? (Peter's POV)
“I suppose I’m being a jealous fool.” She caught herself before she began to cry. Really, she was making such a fuss over nothing. Peter had always been totally honest with her. She’d drive him away if she didn’t stop acting this way. (Melissa's POV) Of course when he wasn’t with her and he was talking with all his friends, he sometimes sounded uncaring, (Information Melissa can't know -- if she's not there, how does she know what he sounds like?) but she just didn’t understand how men spoke with their friends. It didn’t mean anything.
Change POV like this, back and forth with every other paragraph or sentence, or have the person think something they couldn’t possibly know, and soon you have a reader who wants to kill you and never wants to hear about Melissa or Peter again. If the story is compelling enough and you identify with all the characters, you may be able to get by without too many angry reader complaints. But that’s counting on your amazing storytelling alone. Understanding and mastering POV will add some stronger writer’s skills to your tool box.
So how would you fix this? (Besdies starting over) -- simple. Eliminate the information Melissa can't know.
Melissa’s breath caught. “Sometimes I think you don’t care about me at all.” And she loved him so much!
“I do love you, darling,” Peter assured her.
“I suppose I’m being a jealous fool.” Melissa caught herself before she began to cry. Really, she was making such a fuss over nothing. She’d drive him away if she didn’t stop acting this way. If she hadn't overheard him talking with his friends, sounding so cold and uncaring, she wouldn't feel so bad. Maybe she just didn’t understand men. Maybe it didn’t mean anything.
Treva Harte
www.TrevaHarte.com
(All spelling errors may be attributed to Shelby's editing.)